Psychedelic therapy Netherlands

A trip to my subconscious

I had just checked into my studio that I booked through Booking when Marcel rang the doorbell. A few weeks earlier, when I finished my last project, I had booked a truffle ceremony online and today was the day it was supposed to take place. I wanted to listen a little more to my subconscious and see if I could find some career advice there. After all, I had just turned 40 and decided this was a good time to learn something about myself and my future. 

Marcel introduced himself and briefly explained what was about to happen. He asked how I felt and went over my answers that I had filled in online in advance in preparation for this day. I asked how 'legal' this was, especially for when things would go wrong. He said he had been doing this for 5 years and it was perfectly legal. In the Netherlands you are allowed to use all kinds of drugs, but you are not allowed to sell or possess them all. You are allowed to sell magic truffles though, and this is what I was here for. Moreover, nothing had ever happened during the 5 years that he practiced this profession. That reassured me because I had to admit that I was a bit nervous. I asked him if I couldn't get a higher dose since there are different levels. Because I wanted to shut up that goddamn ego of mine and experience what it would feel like to no longer be my 'imaginary self' but my 'real' self. Since I had never taken truffles before, he advised against this and we went for the level below, where you hallucinate and experience the world completely differently, but still remain your imaginary self. Marcel had brought a tea with truffles containing the active ingredient Psilocybin diluted with some herbs, vitamins and extra minerals. It tasted nice. We connected his phone to the Bluetooth speaker in the room and chose which music style I would listen to. He also said he would be there for me during the session and that if I felt he was threatening I could ask him to move a bit further. While we were doing this I felt it coming on and he let me smell mint. I lay down on my bed. Marcel installed another lamp that generated fluorescent colors that constantly changed. He would also fill the room with all kinds of scents during the trip because they could arouse certain feelings or images. I closed my eyes and set off on my inner journey.

I had a very familiar feeling throughout the session. I was still myself and could therefore also direct what happened, Marcel had informed me in advance and it turned out to be correct. I was in a colorful fluorescent 3D universe (through the lamp?) when I closed my eyes, where everything was possible. I felt like I was dreaming but still awake. When I opened them or when the music stopped, it always felt like I was waking up again. I deliberately held them back sometimes because I didn't want this to ever stop. I could feel sad/anxious and happy, I could smell like never before. I saw incredible things, things that belong on a canvas, worth real works of art. I felt that I wanted to know what life on earth meant but that I was not allowed to know and certainly not allowed to take it with me to the 'real' world. In the beginning I was completely in it as if I was experiencing it myself. Later I watched more from a distance what happened. It was a blissful feeling. Sometimes the music stopped for a while and Marcel tried to ask me questions about the things I wanted to know during my trip. However, I noticed that I had difficulty getting out of my words and had difficulty with the earthly things. I wasn't on earth and didn't want to concern myself with banal earthly things like a job or my future 😉

At one point I saw my brother and mother crying and felt their sadness and tried to take it away. It was like I could remove their sad energy from a distance. 

It felt like I had been here a million times before, in this world that I experienced with my eyes closed, like I went there every night but could remember it a little better now. Although during my trip I was already aware that I wouldn't be able to remember everything or even 'had to' (?) forget. At one point I experienced a very blissful feeling when I said I was going to draw all this and show it to the people in my real world. And a little later I said to myself that I wasn't allowed to share it after all. I saw a kind of wolf/Indian with 3 or 4 faces in one. It was hard for me to think about my wife and children, they were too earthly. I was not in the terrestrial world. I couldn't think of a job either, or was drawing this unearthly world what I had to do? Discover the artist in myself and share it with the earthly world? 

I could use all my senses and evoke all the feelings I wanted. I felt like everything was fine no matter what I did. That I could make my own laws and I didn't have to participate in that world with all its rules that make no sense and only serve to serve others or make them rich.

Time did not exist, it felt like I had already traveled for days, but when I asked about the real time only 2.5 hours had passed and this also felt like long but in earthly terms (I know !?!? !?) I can hardly describe what I experienced because everything there is so different from on earth, literally as the first sentence of the Tao describes it so beautifully: “The Tao that can be spoken is not the eternal Tao”. Everything I am trying to describe is a far cry from what I have experienced. Your brain is also literally tripping. During a trip, the Psilocybin ensures that your default mode network (DMN) in your brain is stopped. This part of your brain can think about the past and future, and is therefore responsible for your ego because who are you?; The person you were in the past and what you will do in the future, right? Because this part becomes less active, other parts of your brain communicate with each other, so that you experience reality completely differently and new brain connections are made. Brain scans have found that people who have meditated all their lives can render this DMN part of the brain inactive. How wonderful it must be to be a Buddhist monk 😉

I also understand that if you have a depression, you can let go because you feel / see different things, get different perspectives and experience everything differently because of it. I also have more respect for my body, I now really feel what I eat and whether it is good / healthy or not. I also wanted to get rid of my sugar addiction because Psilocybin could also help addictions. I notice that it is currently easier to leave the refined sugars for what they are. I now 'feel' more with my whole body that it is not healthy for me.

I heard Marcel cleaning up and he started to chat with me. After that we discussed what I had experienced and he told me a few things that he had experienced during his trips. We said goodbye as it should be, namely with a firm hug. He advised me not to go out yet and if I did, to pay close attention because sometimes you could concentrate too hard on one thing and not realize the rest. I also had to let him know later in the evening how I was doing. Whatever I did, I had a severe headache. I think this was because I had not been lying on my own pillow during the 5-hour session and then had more headaches. Fortunately I was allowed to take paracetamol, only these were still in my car. I decided not to get it for my safety. So I was indeed clear and not so off the planet that I didn't know what I was doing after the session.

The hours after the session I was still not completely back to 'normal'. I lived a little slower, very consciously and completely in the now. When I ate fruit, I felt the saliva build up in my mouth, I was aware of everything. The papayas, mangoes, coconut and pineapple tasted delicious, it was like eating them for the first time. I could look at my own hands for minutes, I saw that my hands seemed smaller than I had always thought and they are not as strong as they used to be. When I looked in the mirror I saw that I was redder and I saw veins on my forehead (due to increased blood pressure?).

I looked at my mobile and experienced the screen differently because the light and the letters behaved 'differently'. Or had this always been the case and I had never really looked? I could see a lot more detail and focus on something for a long time, like a child getting something new and getting all wrapped up in it. I was more aware of what I heard and smelled. (Currently, 2 days after the session, this is still the case, but unfortunately a lot less.) For example, I occasionally heard a wicker rack in the room creaking on its own and I was very aware of the ventilation in the bathroom. For example, I also saw that the background behind your WhatsApp messages moves when you move your mobile phone, I had never noticed that before. I could also keep looking at the 'online' icon under a person's name in WhatsApp as if it were the only thing on earth.

 

I didn't get clear answers during my session but I feel great and confident. It really feels like 'do what you really want to do without caring what others think'. I know it sounds cliché but now you feel it because you experienced it differently. I am also more empathetic and can put myself in other people's shoes better. I feel more. I see more. I live more in the now. I have more respect for the planet and feel very connected to the universe. It's like realizing that what we as humans make of it is only a tiny thing in this universe. The universe doesn't need us, so you decide whether you want humanity to continue to exist and whether we should move to Mars because it has become too hot here. You feel that there is much more than what we are allowed to experience here as human beings and that there are completely different physical (?) laws than those we know as human beings. Everything is energy and you will experience that firsthand during a session. You feel that time is very relative and our life is only a trifle for the universe and actually means nothing, so you have everything under control and above all you don't have to be afraid. What can happen, only things that your own brain tells you.

When I looked a little later at some notes I had written down in the past about everything I still wanted to experience and what I still wanted to change about myself, I saw a lot of things that had to do with my ego. It made me laugh out loud. 6 hours after one drink I saw the world differently than before. Who or what do I want to be? I am just who I am and I just do what I want. I don't have to worry about what others think of me, and I certainly don't have to write it down. I have to do things because I like them myself, and not because then I'm 'better' than before or than others. I do things because I feel them myself at that moment. 

 

Finally

If you live in the NOW you are not busy making lists, you do what feels right at that moment. Living in the NOW is very conscious living. 

For example, I deliberately chose to write this down and share my adventure because friends and family around me were worried about this session. I can assure you this session was something you will never forget. 

I also want to thank my wife for giving me this and for letting me take a break from my family to throw me into this adventure. There is always the fear of the unknown, but I am convinced that this unknown will allow me to experience many educational adventures. And that, after all, is the best thing there is, being able to learn something new every day. 

 

“We are all energetic (spiritual) beings having a human experience.”

May the Tao be with you!