Psychedelic therapy Netherlands

I did a first trip therapy on dose 3 about two weeks ago. In the beginning I was a bit scared that I thought it would be the same as my dreams or that I would get too stuck in the negative, but thanks to the explanation and guidance from Marcel it went very well.

During the trip I experienced my own birth and burial, which was impressive and moving. After birth I was cared for by snakes and women. I think a lot of this is because of my issues around the right to exist. As the trip progressed, I noticed that my sense of existence had strengthened and I was more able to say positive things about myself.

Another part of the trip had to do with my past and letting it go. Here I was strongly in discussion with myself whether my past was more of a cage that imposed all kinds of restrictions on myself or rather a kind of soil / fertilizer that I was able to grow out of. Eventually the two began to entwine a bit as a cage unfolded and a flower grew out of it. This pattern repeated itself shortly afterwards. Eventually I came to the realization that my past has made me stronger as a person in some way, but that I don't need to cling to sitting. Somewhere I built that cage myself and limited myself by putting a lot of wrong attention and energy into it and seeing it as a big part of my identity by discussing it a lot with everyone. Among other things, as a way to demand attention and thus exist. I notice that I now live more in the present because in the present I also use more in my stories instead of the past. My dreams aren't really about the past these days either.

During the trip I was also able to observe parts of myself from the third person. This made me feel the power of my negative thoughts and what it did to me and others and this was very intense. I realized more how much I was poisoning and brainwashing myself. I also noticed how much I was judging myself and how absurd my thoughts can be. For example, at one point I was wondering if I was doing the trip right, which is ultimately complete bullshit.

At the same time I have also found out that I am better at regulating these feelings and thoughts than I thought. I had received a peacock feather from Marcel and during the trip I saw it as a flower. With negative thoughts it started to wither and if it became even more negative it caught fire and burned up completely. When I switched to positive thoughts, she got bigger and started to bloom and she got all the colors of the rainbow. I'm really surprised how smoothly this switch went and I'm trying to use this more in daily life now.

What I notice about the effects afterwards is that I am more in a state of mindfulness. I have fewer thoughts than usual and the thoughts that are there also stay less long. This also makes it easier to be more in the moment and to experience things more consciously and better. After the trip everything really felt different: putting on socks, taking a shower, walking, lying on the bed, eating… What also works very well now is to do 1 thing at a time. Before that I was usually combining everything with PC and smartphone and preferably with a lot of tabs open and not really consciously working on anything. 

Marcel was a good supervisor in all of this with a good balance of keeping himself in the background, asking questions without directing and providing extra insights at the right moments. I would definitely like to see another therapeutic trip to go into more depth.