Growing up from baby to adult

After we are born, we go through the stages of development from infant, toddler, preschooler, schoolchild, young adult to adult. The things we experience change our behavior. Some changes are positive and others affect us negatively.

Coping mechanisms and patterns

Each phase has its own developmental aspects and needs. If these are not fulfilled, damage may occur. These injuries carry you into adulthood. This can affect our functioning. Patterns and coping mechanisms continue to work during a skewed development. This can manifest itself in destructive behavior, addictions, psychological disorders and loss of life energy.

When we grow up, the infant, toddler, preschooler, schoolchild or young adult will still be part of us. Things we have experienced, made our own, the sadness and traumas are in our memory. Our perspective is based on this. It is important to know which beliefs, patterns and coping mechanisms you have developed over the years. It is especially important to see which are helpful and which are not. When you experience a trauma as a child, you develop a survival mechanism. That is helpful for that moment, but is it still necessary later on?

Exercise for recovery and research

Sometimes there are traumas and/or beliefs in us that we are not aware of at all. A nice exercise to explore the feelings of the child within yourself works as follows. With your dominant hand, write a letter from your adult person to the child in yourself and use pen and paper. Read it aloud first and then write a letter with the non-dominant hand in response from your child to your adult. Read the letter from the child aloud as well. This can be an emotionally healing process. Things can happen that you are completely unaware of.

Example

Below is a letter from a client. Published with permission and under a fictitious name, of course

Dear little Paul

Dear little magical Paul. I'm sorry I've always found you weird and scary. I'm sorry I always wanted to be serious. I'm sorry I was afraid of you... afraid you'd go too far. I'm sorry we didn't have much fun together. That we played so little together. Scared and no time. The moments you were there were the most beautiful moments of my life. I'm sorry I neglected you. I was too busy or it was out of fear. It was because of shame and I was afraid of being thought weird. I was also too preoccupied with other people and their problems. You are the most important thing to me! I'll never let you down again!

Dear Big Paul

It's okay, I understand, but how about we start having fun?

It was quite a revelation for Paul. He didn't really know that he was afraid of the child in him. But the biggest realization was in the last sentence. I'll never let you down again. Paul realized that he is grown up now, and could always count on and build on his own! That he is no longer dependent on a parent. It was nice to see how forgiving the child in Paul is.

Need support?

Would you like to find out for yourself which coping styles you use? Which coping styles help you and which do not contribute? Do you want to explore which beliefs and survival mechanism you have developed? We from PWR Coaching or trip therapy can help you with that.